They looked at one another as if to silently question, “How could she have known?” I knew what I had experienced just hours before was Holy Spirit preparing me to allow Him to be revealed…
We all experience a degree of brokenness and heartache. God has made it clear the circumstances of one are no greater than another. However, we are fully aware what some live through just feels more weighty and horrific than what we can imagine.
Physical abuse – almost to the point of death – at the hands of a spouse and in front of a child.
Years of addiction to some substance or another, choosing a high over a child, waking up in a prison cell wondering “what happened”; daily wrestling shame and remorse, fighting to find worth.
Poor choices leading to having no place to go, losing your children to foster care, wrestling with constant anxiety, and fighting to live an honest life.
Brokenness and abandonment leading to layers of deep and high walls, cutting off everyone, wandering to high and far places – constantly searching – never settling.
Loss after loss, murder and suicide, abuse and torture – relentless depression and anxiety – while doing everything to fight for a child and a peaceful life.
We may read, and identify. We may read, and compassion wells up inside. We may read, and conviction pricks our hearts to reassess those things we identify as wrong or unjust in our own lives.
I knew this call was going to stretch me. I had no idea how. A couple weeks ago it was brought to my attention an individual connected to the group I am ministering with had made some considerably unhealthy declarations. The remarks oozed with darkness and actions threatened what I sensed God wanted to do. I committed to the ladies I would pray for the situation.
“Lord, push back – and out – the darkness that resides and believes it prevails, by the power of Your Spirit and presence. When I, or others in Christ, walk into the space, I pray darkness realizes it is not allowed to stay. YOU desire my Sisters in Christ be healed and made whole more than I do, please deliver them from the tactics and antics I’m being told are taking place”. I was then led to reach out to a faithful and trusted prayer partner for council and agreement.
Again, I give you an eternal truth: If two of you agree to ask God for something in a symphony of prayer, my heavenly Father will do it for you. Matthew 18:19 TPT
Prior to our session this week, I felt “off”. I was more fatigued than normal. I felt irrationally emotional. Thoughts bombarded my mind I knew were not my own. Something was attempting to convince me I did not need to show up for the week’s session. My husband could tell something was up. When he asked me what was going on, all I could do was cry.
How do I share something he doesn’t understand? How do I describe something I don’t even fully understand? He is going to think I’m crazy (more than normal ;) ). Then I felt like Holy Spirit needed me to share. I sensed this was going to be a testimony of faithfulness my husband could not deny. I believed the situation possessed the potential to be a faith builder for many.
“I feel like someone is feeling suicidal. I feel like someone really wants to hurt themselves. I can feel the heaviness of thought running through their mind.” I looked up to make eye contact and found compassion in his eyes.
“That’s deep”. Translation: I really don’t know what you’re talking about, but I believe you believe it and it’s genuine, or you wouldn’t be crying in the way you just were. He gave me a hug. I went on to get ready, blared worship music and praised while doing so. Then, I was on my way.
After opening the session with worship and prayer, I could not escape the need to pray for the one contemplating self-harm or even taking their own life. The tears again welling up, a notable quiver in my voice, and an urgency I hoped the gals understood.
After prayer was when I noticed – SOMETHING was resonating with them, their glances provided clues I was not off base. However, it was not until the end of our hour and a half together, just before we entered into our departing prayers for the week, that I learned what had been going on.
One gal expressed her challenges for the week prior, making her requests known for what lie ahead. I pointedly asked if she was the one prayed for. “No, but it is someone connected to us. It is no one in the group, but someone connected with us.” The other gals confirmed and proceeded to share the individual whose challenging words and chaotic behavior weeks prior, had free-willingly decided to part ways. SHE was the one wrestling with the dark thoughts I believed Holy Spirit was revealing… Talk about needing to call on Holy Spirit to help decipher mixed emotions!
On one side, God was being praised for answering prayer. On the other side, a very serious concern for the soul in torment elicited more concern and a need for more prayer. On one hand, five women just witnessed the faithfulness and love of the Father by placing her situation on my heart and and moving me to publicly pray. On the other hand, there was relief from the chaos they felt subjected to. On one side I was grateful I could share this testimony with my husband so he wouldn’t think I had drifted farther than he knew what to do with. On the other, I was burdened and saddened that it was true.
Jesus! Teach, comfort, guide and share truth. Please.
WE prayed. I left. I did not share with my husband. Something inside me wanted confirmation what I was hearing was factual. The next day, I witnessed with my own eyes, from the soul herself, the torment she is living with. My heart sank and I prayed.
I know I reiterate all the time about the importance of you and me hearing from the heart of God. I know I share posts that confront our complacency and hopefully lovingly convict us to remove distractions from our lives so we can hear from God through His word and prayer. I know it may feel intense, overwhelming and maybe a little too much for some. I hope this testimony confirms God’s heart to us… HE IS THE ONE desiring we set aside distractions and hear from Him. This is only one example WHY.
Our ability to free willingly make time to hear from Him above all other voices this world throws at us, could mean eternal life or death for someone. It could be the healing someone either does or does not receive. It could be the next faith building brick a loved one needs. It could lead to the demonstration of God’s love the world around us desperately needs to see. I finally did share with my husband how the events unfolded, needless to say he was speechless yet in awe at how God had moved for one many may likely have given up on.
Be encouraged today to spend time with the Lord. Give Him what little you believe you have to give. Position your heart and soul to hear what His Spirit is saying. Take in the truth of His Word. And please, if moved to do so, pray for the healing of those lost and bound by darkness, who have concluded there may be no other way, but out.