Praise God, He is good and His faithful love and mercies endure FOREVER! Where do I even begin? This morning I am rejoicing!
I couldn’t go to sleep last night. I tossed and turned. The faces in the room, the voices in unison around the reckless love of God, I standing deeply rooted in who I am and who God has made ME to be – it’s nothing short of a miracle, one that has been progressive and began six years ago today.
Six years ago today, I found myself on the bathroom floor in my place of employment – convinced it was my time to die. Convinced I would never see my then eleven and eight year old daughters again. I was convinced I had failed them and was not leaving behind the best for them.
My shirt was up and off, men and women gathered around me hooking things up to my body, while I lay on the floor asking for my brother to come in and pray with me before I left. Remember, I was at work. It was quite possibly the most horrific experience in my life. But it was a wake-up call.
The emergency room staff assured me I was fine. I was possibly stressed from the holidays, although it was noticed my heart rate was erratic and my potassium levels extremely low. The anti-convulsion medicine the emergency responders had given me seemed to calm me on the way to the ER. However, in the hospital it began again. My husband by my side, I begged him to call my former Pastor’s wife – my spiritual mother – SHE could pray me through this! Instead, I received another drug, rolled out to the car in a wheel chair, and crashed until late evening.
These episodes continued on for DAYS after. Christmas came and I wondered if I would get through. I was grateful to have another Christmas with my family, and grateful God seemed to be giving me more time. I was told I was anxious and needed to relax, quit worrying. I believe I was even diagnosed with panic disorder. Huh? I had a lot going on in my life, but how in the world can your mind cause your body to respond in such an intensely terrifying way? I wasn’t convinced, but what followed was text book.
Panic attacks can happen anytime, anywhere, and without warning. You may live in fear of another attack and may avoid places where you have had an attack. For some people, fear takes over their lives and they cannot leave their homes.
This is exactly what happened. I couldn’t work for months. I didn’t go anywhere without my husband. I rarely drove my kiddos anywhere. I rarely did a thing. Once I returned to work, I had to take medication just to get there and back. This lasted the entire year. However, regardless of what I may have thought at the time, my circumstances were not indicative of the future before me. Here’s a little rundown of what has come to fruition since…
All of 2013 All I could seem to do was sit on the couch and watch the world through Facebook and Pinterest, growing a little angry with God, wondering if this was what my life was going to end like.
By 2014 the episodes had dwindled to one a month or so, anxiety medication, and other prescriptions seemed to make things worse. I kept sensing I needed to quit all medications and focus on Scripture, clean eating, and exercise. With my doctor’s approval, I did. Live Eat Sweat was born in the fall.
2015 I focused on fitness and my marriage. We had separated twice over the course of a couple years. Yes, as a Christian, Jesus loving, woman. God had to make it clear to me divorce was not to be in my vocabulary. We completed two Spartan races together, the sprint and super, he completed the Beast. That fall, I hosted the first LES 45 challenge, where we focused on Scripture, Whole30 foods, and exercise.
2016 I hosted a second and third challenge, became connected with medical missions at work, and began to think about LEGACY – and the imprint I sensed God was calling me to leave with my family and community. Rise Up! Devotions was composed; initially for our daughters and then for other women with the same stirring in their heart.
2017 Self-published five books (with the help of an amazing assistant), supported three mission trips in Dominican Republic and Guatemala, prayed for our community weekly for six weeks leading up to October 9th where I hosted a prayer event, became a Bible app contributor, invited to be a part of an art exhibit with Jesus at the center, and formulated the Rise Up Commitment. All of which were steps of faith and saying YES to the Lord’s leading.
2018 This year I have hosted two Rise Up Commitments (where thirty-six women’s lives have been impacted), launched a podcast, self-published three more books, and have been given opportunities to apply the skill set learned in this ministry, in my career in orthopedics and medical missions. Medical missions that will next year likely take me to Guatemala, Honduras and possibly Ecuador.
Last night, I stood in a room with thirty-seven women, twenty-six of which I had never met or connected with before. We worshiped in a coffee house in our community, and belted Reckless Love like we just didn’t care – and we didn’t – there was a sense God was there with us!
I will share with you what I shared with the amazing group of women last night. This post and testimony is NOT a way to pat myself on my back – at all. This testimony serves a few purposes:
1. Give GOD ALL THE GLORY for taking this apparently panic riddled woman whose only future appeared to be rotating sides of the couch, to where He has me today – firmly rooted in Jesus Christ, focusing less on self, sharing with you, and ministering to others. Psalm 115:1 Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!
AND PLACE YOUR TRUST IN THE LORD! This is my prayer; this is my heart’s desire! To be a conduit that connects YOU to every last ounce of God’s goodness, so you too can live freely in His love for you, going beyond where you find yourself today.
If fear, anxiety, panic, worry, or apprehension has taken over your life - there is FREEDOM to be found in Jesus! His perfect love CASTS OUT ALL FEAR and will send you places you never knew you were meant to go!!
If at this very moment, you find yourself without Jesus Christ in your life – will you consider reaching out and allowing me to pray with you? I know God has an amazing future for you if you will simply take one step towards Him, and allow Jesus in.
If you’re reading this and you have been wandering, feeling lost, hurt and broken with Jesus as Savior, will you also reach out and allow me to pray for you? I know God is eager to rush right to you, give you direction, purpose and hope, while healing your wounds and broken heart, all to lead you into ALL the promises He has for you.
If you’re reading this and Jesus is both your Savior AND Lord, but you’re feeling drained and dry due to religion, will you reach out? I know Jesus desires to restore love and life to your relationship with Him.
If you’re reading this and you’re GOOD, praise God! I want to encourage you to continue to press in and press on to an EVEN GREATER MEASURE of the Lord’s goodness! There are STILL promises He has for you that far surpass what your natural mind is able to imagine.
Finally, if you are not connected with a community where you are challenged and encouraged to grow and be transformed, I pray God lead you right where you need to be so YOU can go BEYOND in YOUR faith journey to becoming whole in spirit, soul and body – all to reflect JESUS to the world around you.
A community of other women is priceless in this world. A community of PRAYING, SUPPORTIVE, ENCOURAGING WOMEN with Christ at the center, is divine – and necessary to walk out our faith in this life.